By Sharie Reyes Albers, Partner, Virginia Family Law Center
Parents entering a custody or visitation dispute often come in with assumptions about what the court will consider, what matters most, and what they believe should decide the case. Some of those assumptions are understandable, but many are simply wrong.
Virginia courts decide custody based on the best interests of the child, using the specific factors listed in Virginia Code § 20-124.3. Those statutory factors drive almost every custody outcome. What parents expect to influence a decision carry far less weight than they might realize.
Below are five of the most common Virginia child custody myths we see in custody cases, and why they do not typically control the outcome.
Want to learn more about custody rights and process? Read our complete guide to child custody in Virginia.
Myth 1: Do Virginia Courts Favor Mothers Over Fathers?
There is no presumption in Virginia law that mothers make better parents. Courts evaluate both parents under the same best-interests standard.
A parent’s gender does not determine:
• Who receives primary physical custody
• Whether legal custody will be shared
• How visitation is structured
The only legally relevant considerations are the child’s needs and each parent’s ability to meet them.
Further reading: Do Virginia Courts Favor Mothers in Custody Cases?
Myth 2: Does The Parent with More Money Get Custody?
Financial advantage alone does not decide custody. Virginia separates the questions of:
- Who has custody, and
- How child support should work
A parent does not lose custody simply because they earn less, rent rather than own, or rely on child support or spousal support to meet the child’s needs. Extreme financial instability can matter. For example, repeated evictions, unsafe conditions, or failure to meet basic needs, but these are rare exceptions.
Further reading: Can a Virginia Child Support Order Be Modified?
Myth 3: Will the Parent Who Stays in the Home Have an Advantage?
Many parents assume that remaining in the marital home guarantees an advantage. It does not. Courts look at the child’s routine and stability, not the property itself.
A parent who moves may still be awarded primary custody if:
• The relocation keeps the child in a safe, stable environment
• The move improves the child’s quality of life
• The new distance still supports workable visitation
• The home environment better meets the child’s needs
Here’s a few local examples that illustrate how location can be factored into a custody order.
When a Fairfax couple separated, the father moved from their Burke home to an apartment in Fairfax City. Although the mother stayed in the house, the court found that his move kept their son in the same school pyramid, maintained his routine, and supported regular visitation. Because the father had been the primary day-to-day caregiver, he was awarded primary physical custody despite relocating.
In Arlington, a father stayed in the Clarendon condo he owned with his former spouse while the mother moved to South Arlington to live with relatives. He assumed staying in the marital condo would help his case, but the court found her new residence offered more stability, a dedicated bedroom, and easy visitation. Because the move better supported the child’s needs, the mother was awarded primary custody.
Geography matters only if it significantly disrupts the child’s education, community, or access to the other parent. Even then, courts weigh all factors, not just the address.
Myth 4: Does Fault in the Relationship Determine Custody?
Why the relationship ended is often not a custody issue. Affairs, conflict, or communication breakdowns do not automatically make a parent unfit.
Fault only becomes relevant when it directly affects parenting, such as:
• Domestic violence
• Substance abuse
• Criminal behavior
• Conduct that endangers the child
• Judgment so poor it affects daily care
Custody is not a way to reward or punish adults. It is about protecting children.
Myth 5: Will the Parent Who Wants Custody the Most Win?
Passion, motivation, and desire to “fight for custody” do not win cases. What matters is evidence of parenting ability, such as:
• Consistent involvement in school, medical care, and activities
• A history of reliable caregiving
• The ability to co-parent respectfully
• A stable routine
• A strong, healthy parent-child relationship
For example, In Fairfax, a father arrived at the first hearing insisting he would “fight for custody at all costs.” However, the court focused instead on the mother’s track record: she attended most school conferences, coordinated medical care, and maintained a steady weekly routine. While passionate, the father had little documented evidence of his involvement. Because her demonstrated caregiving was stronger, the court awarded the mother primary custody.
Simply put, courts care far more about demonstrated behavior than declarations of intent.
The Bottom Line
Custody cases turn on Virginia’s best-interest factors, not assumptions, stereotypes, or emotional expectations. Understanding what matters can help parents make informed decisions, avoid unnecessary conflict, and focus their efforts where it counts.
If you’re facing a custody dispute or even suspect one may be coming it is critical to understand how Virginia courts decide these cases. Our attorneys can review your situation, explain your strongest arguments under the best-interest factors, and help you develop a strategy that protects your child’s wellbeing from day one.
Contact Virginia Family Law Center today to schedule your consultation. Call us at 703.865.5839 or request a Free Case Review through our secure online form.
About the Author
Sharie Reyes Albers
is a Partner and senior family law attorney at Virginia Family Law Center, representing clients throughout Northern Virginia in divorce, child custody, visitation, child support, and equitable distribution matters. A Virginia lawyer since 2012, Ms. Albers practices exclusively in family law and is known for her courtroom skill, strategic case preparation, and steady guidance during high-conflict family disputes.
